Love. Such a strange and wonderful feeling, isn’t it? As Jason says in this song, “When you love someone, it comes back to you.” And it has me thinking about where I’m at in my journey. And of all the things I want, Love is silently, and subtly moving to the top of my list. It’s been so long since I’ve been loved, truly romantically loved. And I’ve been reminded so many times lately how, by those that I have loved in the past, while still in my sphere, no longer love me. Perhaps they never did. But even if they did, they all love other people now. Why do I yearn for those lost loves? Is it because they are worth longing for, or is it because I don’t have a new love to take me to a new, better place? A little of both, would be my guess. And then it hit me, even if one of these past loves wanted me right now, I’d screw it up. And the reason for that slapped me in the face hard tonight after a phone call to one of these past loves.
Why would they love me when I don’t love myself? Cuz I don’t. That’s hard to say out loud for me. Harder to type here for all the world to read. But this blog, this is the place I must be truly honest with myself. Otherwise, I will never find all the breadcrumbs necessary to find my happiness. And the truth is, I sooooooo don’t love me anymore. Did I ever?
A lot of that comes from the conditioning of my mother who always reminded me that I am not lovable by anyone but her. Other parts of it come from the slew of men in my life, both as a teenager and in present day, not to mention all the years in between where none of them wanted me romantically. They just wanted friendship. Perhaps it is because I’ve never truly loved myself. Why would anyone love someone who felt they were unlovable? Answer: they won’t.
In all the work I’m doing with the law of attraction, it’s so simple. If I believe I’m unlovable, no one will love me. I’ll continue to attract friendship only. And if the lyrics in this song are true, then perhaps the someone I need to love is myself.
It’s wonderful incentive to make some changes. I’m not sure how all those changes look at the moment, but when I find them, I know I’ll be that much closer to true happiness.
In the meantime, I’ll listen to the genius works of Mr. Mraz to help remind me that if you love someone, then it will come back to you. Cuz I want that great love that I’ve never had. But no use in it arriving if I’m not ready to receive it. So, time to take the steps necessary to get ready for it. Cuz, “When you love someone, your heart, beat beats so loud. When you love someone, your feet can’t feel the ground. Shining stars all seem to congregate around your face. When you love someone…it comes…back….to you.” And I am so ready for it to come back to me.
Ciao for Now,